


Heroes

by RegularMagicalUnicorn



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 14:03:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19442929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegularMagicalUnicorn/pseuds/RegularMagicalUnicorn
Summary: Maybe the real heroes were the friends we made along the way.





	Heroes

“How lovely to see you again, Captain!” Carl Snider cackled from atop the metal walkway. He didn’t mean it.

“I don’t think this situation is lovely at all,” Captain Obvious replied from below. “I have been tied to a conveyor belt and am slowly moving toward a spinning sawblade.”

“How sharp of you to notice!” Carl immediately regretted the wordplay. “I certainly hope you manage to escape!”

“I don’t think you do.” Captain Obvious continued inching toward the saw. “You are my arch-enemy: Commander Sarcasm. You have been sticking me, Captain Obvious, into deathtraps ever since I moved in to the apartment below yours.”

“I can’t imagine doing anything like that!” Carl laughed some more.

Suddenly, a huge crash came from just outside the warehouse. Carl rushed to the window, leaving his foe to his fate, and saw a giant robot outside. It was attacking a large group of superheroes, and seemed to be winning.

Carl recognized The Whirlwind near the front of the group. She spun around and threw a small tornado at the robot. The robot saw this, began spinning, and responded with its own much larger tornado, which swept The Whirlwind and several other heroes away. Laser Larry snuck up behind the robot and tried to shoot it with a laser beam, but the robot noticed the attack. It returned fire with a volley of its own lasers, then continued storming down the street. Carl realized it was headed in the direction of his apartment building.

“Wonderful.” Carl turned back to his deathtrap and saw Captain Obvious standing on the walkway with him.

“I escaped,” said Captain Obvious.

“This day just keeps getting better.”

The two prepared to fight, but were interrupted when the robot punched through the wall of the warehouse, causing the walkway to collapse. The robot punched the warehouse again, shaking the entire building. Carl dragged himself to his feet and bolted out of the warehouse before the robot brought the whole building down. The nearest escape route was, unfortunately, the hole made by the robot. Carl had just reached the street when he realized that he was now directly in front of the enormous machine.

Carl looked around. Rubble and defeated heroes lined the street. Carl grabbed a rock and flung it at the robot. The rock bounced off its metal plating without even creating a dent.

“Oh, good effort on that one, Commander Sarcasm.” The robot’s voice was loud and obviously synthesized. Carl was surprised the robot had a voice at all. The robot hesitated for a moment, as if surprised as well, then swung a gigantic metal fist at Carl. Carl leapt backwards to avoid it, but was unable to avoid the second fist that immediately followed. He was sent flying across the street into a nearby building, and collapsed along with the wall into a pile of rubble. He grunted incoherently as things began to fade to black.

“You are lying in a pile of rubble, Commander Sarcasm,” said a familiar voice. “Would you like assistance?”

Carl slowly opened his eyes to see Captain Obvious extending his hand. Carl stayed where he was.

“I’m feeling great, thanks.”

Captain Obvious returned his hand to his side. “I have discovered that the robot can copy the powers of those it is fighting.”

“How’d you figure that one out?”

“It told me itself. It then flung me into a nearby wall. We need to stop that robot. If it reaches our apartment building, neither of us will have a place to live anymore.”

“What’s this ‘we’ stuff?” Carl rolled his eyes. “You know I’m all about teamwork.”

“Neither of us can defeat the robot on our own. My power is that I must state the obvious. Your power is similar in nature but opposite in effect. Typically, our powers are not very effective in combat. Combined, however, they may be enough to confuse the robot."

“Fantastic plan, Captain.” Carl struggled to his feet.

“I’m not hearing any better options.”

It was true. Carl couldn’t come up with any better ideas. He clambered down the pile of rubble and joined Captain Obvious in walking down the street. The path the robot had taken was clear from the destroyed buildings, unconscious bodies, and potholes it left behind. Despite its size, the robot was apparently taking its time, and the two were able to catch up to it. Their apartment building was just a few blocks away.

“We don’t have much time.” Captain Obvious looked around for a way to get the robot’s attention. Carl grabbed another rock and chucked it at the machine. Again, it bounced off harmlessly. The robot rotated in place to face the pair.

“You lot again. Lemme tell ya, I’m real scared now.” The robot paused, then added, “I’m not scared of you two at all. You pose no threat.” The robot slammed its fist into the ground, creating a huge crater. Carl and Captain Obvious leapt aside just in time.

“Don’t get hit,” Captain Obvious said.

“Thanks,” Carl replied.

“I meant to do that.” The robot picked its fist back up, then attacked again. Another miss.

“Targeting system functioning improperly. Targeting system works great.” A strange noise came from inside the robot. “Attack mode changed.”

The robot jumped high into the air. Carl and Captain Obvious ran to the end of the street as it came hurtling back down. The impact created a huge crater in the middle of the road, with the robot stuck inside. It grabbed the edge of the crater and began pulling itself out, revealing that its legs had been heavily damaged when it landed.

“This is fine.” A louder noise came from inside the robot, suggesting the opposite.

“It’s working.” Captain Obvious pointed at the robot’s damaged legs.

“System integrity failing. System integrity fantastic.” Small sparks began emanating from the robot. “System status unknown.” The robot dragged itself out of the pit, and again faced its opponents.

“It’d be great if we could make this take even longer,” Carl said.

The robot scooped up two handfuls of boulders from the nearby wreckage. “These are rocks,” it announced, then began launching them at Carl and Captain Obvious. They danced out of the way of the first few shots, but there were too many.

“Rock!” Captain Obvious shouted, pushing Carl to the side. Captain Obvious was struck with a large boulder and fell to the ground. Carl was unharmed.

“Captain?”

Captain Obvious, now flat on the ground, groaned and pointed at the robot. Carl turned to it in time to see another punch coming, and dodged out of the way.

“What exactly do you want, anyway?” Carl shouted. He was forced to add “I’m sure it’s just brilliant.”

“Purpose: conquer planet.” A louder noise. “Purpose: stand-up comedy.” It paused. “Purpose unknown.” Larger sparks.

Carl was on to something. “And what genius built you?”

The robot looked at its arm, emblazoned with the logo of its creator. “Creator unknown.”

“And what amazing abilities do you have?”

“Abilities unknown.” A constant grinding sound began coming from the robot.

“Do you even work at all?” Carl was on a roll.

The robot didn’t answer. Sparks continued to shoot out of it, and the grinding got louder and louder. Lights on the robot began randomly flickering on and off.

“Unknown,” it said finally. The grinding stopped, the sparking stopped, and the lights cut off. The robot fell to its knees, and began toppling forward.

Carl pumped a fist in the air, then remembered that Captain Obvious was still lying on the ground in front of the rapidly descending robot. He didn’t have time to think; before he knew it, he was sliding across the ground and pushing Captain Obvious out of the way. The robot landed on top of Carl, missing Captain Obvious by mere inches, and everything went black again.

  


Carl again opened his eyes to see Captain Obvious in front of him. This time, instead of being in a pile of rubble, he was in a hospital bed. Everything hurt.

“I brought you here after we defeated the robot,” Captain Obvious explained. He didn’t look particularly uninjured either.

“Captain Obvious,” Carl said, “I can’t stand you.” He didn’t mean it.


End file.
